cheesecake

My husband Michael and I recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary. We spent the weekend in Amelia Island, Florida at a heavenly bed and breakfast nestled on the Atlantic Ocean. We relaxed, we laughed, we canoodled, we swam, we drank, and we ate. We ate a lot. As a matter of fact, it seems that Michael and I have not stopped eating since we strapped on the feedbag of love.

Perhaps our hunger was fueled by the deprivation we both endured before finding each other on Match.com. Prior to subjecting ourselves to the cyber scrutiny of potential romantic suitors, we both had lost a considerable amount of weight over a short period. I had lost about 30 pounds on the Medi Weight Loss Diet. The diet, which cost a hefty $350 per month, helped me trim down thanks to a daily dose of speed (also known as “fat crack” also known as a physician-prescribed appetite suppressant), weekly injections in my derriere, and starvation. Of course, I could have lost the same amount of weight, or more, during the several months I was on the diet if I had just eaten less and exercised more (or at all), but that is neither here nor there. For his part, Michael had lost an astounding 60 pounds by simply cutting out wine and desserts and occasionally glancing in the general direction of a piece of lettuce.  With our newly svelte-ish bodies, we boldly went where so many have gone before and found each other online.

December 2011

December 2011

Prophetically, Michael and I had our first date at a restaurant named “The Ravenous Pig” and quickly bonded over our shared interests in red wine, red meat, and red velvet cake. Within weeks, we were head over heels, and gut over belt, in love. As our feelings for each other grew, so did our respective diameters.

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As our wedding day grew closer, I had already gone up a full size, making shopping for a wedding dress even more challenging, and horrifying, than I imagined. Michael insisted that he was going to wear the dated, dusty old tuxedo in the back of his closet, but when he finally got around to trying it on, he discovered that it no longer fit. We both had gained over 15 pounds since we met, but we just giggled (and jiggled) over our Freshman 15 and congratulated ourselves on how great it was to be in love and not have to worry about such trifling vanity.

Bridal gown fitting, May 2012.

Bridal gown fitting, May 2012.

Michael tux shopping with his mom, May 2012.

Michael tux shopping with his mom, May 2012.

Our wedding was beautiful and our honeymoon pure magic. We ate and drank ourselves through Paris and Amsterdam with such excess we put Bacchus to shame. When our plane touched down back in our hometown, the Foodapalooza continued unabashedly.

Wedding stroll, May 2012.

Wedding stroll, May 2012.

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As the numbers on our scale steadily increased, we deluded ourselves into believing we deserved to take a seat at the all-you-can-eat smorgasbord of life after spending years at the salad bar of the brokenhearted. Sadly, we can no longer deny the truth that is staring back at us from our full-length mirror.  I’ve gained back all the weight I lost before we met and then some, and Michael isn’t far behind. And those new, larger-sized clothes we broke down and bought for our honeymoon? They are now splitting at the seams.

Dinner is served, February 2013.

Dinner is served, February 2013.

The other night, I told Michael we really need to reign ourselves in, lest we reach the point of no return. Either we commit to getting fit or we commit to gaining so much weight that we have to get his-and-her motorized scooters and go to Sea World for our annual physicals.  Michael assured me he would love me at any weight and suggested we think about it over a piece of cheesecake.

April 2013

April 2013

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